Sometimes I just wish time around me could
just stop; that I could hit the pause button and everything froze, except me.
With no agenda or a set time I have to be somewhere in front of me, I could
just stop and breathe for a moment. I would then be able to take the time to
read that book that is screaming my name, use my new Canon EOS 1100D that is sulking
from lack of attention and attend to my writing and art that are weeping from
neglect. And of course, there is my blog that has been almost completely
abandoned. I am one of those people who, when they have a goal in mind, will
over-work to reach that it. In my last year of school for instance, my goal was
not only to pass my AS levels Cambridge exams, but also to do well in them. So
I worked and worked and eventually accomplished my goal. Now, in my gap year,
my aim was to work so I could not only go to Europe, but also have some
spending/travelling money left over. So I have been juggling three part-time
jobs and working nearly everyday to achieve my aim.
Yes, I am, I confess, what has been termed a
workaholic. And workaholics never know when to slow down until they have what
they were working for. Yet now, after months of it, I do want to slow down but
my goal keeps me pushing forward. Not only am I flying to Europe at the end of
July for a six week holiday in Salzburg, Austria at friends, I am moving cities
around the same time. Thus I want time to just stop for a moment so I can
process all this, spent quality time with God, family and friends and catch up
on doing the things I love. A month is not enough time to do all I need and
want to do. I wish I could balance work and leisure a bit better. But my brain
keeps telling me that I need to keep making money because my trip is nearly
upon me; it is just around the corner, I cannot stop now. Yet my heart for once
won today and has taken the time now to just pause a moment, make myself a pot
of tea, reflect on life and write. What bliss.
I have more news besides my workaholic condition
and the Europe trip. I think, to some extent, I know what God wants me to do
with my life: to help others and leave behind some good when I am gone. How? I
am now considering either becoming a phycologist or a high school English
teacher, though I am leaning more towards teaching. So, if all goes well, next
year should find me studying a BA, with Phycology, English and perhaps French
among my subjects, probably still pursuing my workaholic ways but, I hope, in a
more balanced way.
