Ponderings

Sometimes I just wish time around me could just stop; that I could hit the pause button and everything froze, except me. With no agenda or a set time I have to be somewhere in front of me, I could just stop and breathe for a moment. I would then be able to take the time to read that book that is screaming my name, use my new Canon EOS 1100D that is sulking from lack of attention and attend to my writing and art that are weeping from neglect. And of course, there is my blog that has been almost completely abandoned. I am one of those people who, when they have a goal in mind, will over-work to reach that it. In my last year of school for instance, my goal was not only to pass my AS levels Cambridge exams, but also to do well in them. So I worked and worked and eventually accomplished my goal. Now, in my gap year, my aim was to work so I could not only go to Europe, but also have some spending/travelling money left over. So I have been juggling three part-time jobs and working nearly everyday to achieve my aim.

Yes, I am, I confess, what has been termed a workaholic. And workaholics never know when to slow down until they have what they were working for. Yet now, after months of it, I do want to slow down but my goal keeps me pushing forward. Not only am I flying to Europe at the end of July for a six week holiday in Salzburg, Austria at friends, I am moving cities around the same time. Thus I want time to just stop for a moment so I can process all this, spent quality time with God, family and friends and catch up on doing the things I love. A month is not enough time to do all I need and want to do. I wish I could balance work and leisure a bit better. But my brain keeps telling me that I need to keep making money because my trip is nearly upon me; it is just around the corner, I cannot stop now. Yet my heart for once won today and has taken the time now to just pause a moment, make myself a pot of tea, reflect on life and write. What bliss.

I have more news besides my workaholic condition and the Europe trip. I think, to some extent, I know what God wants me to do with my life: to help others and leave behind some good when I am gone. How? I am now considering either becoming a phycologist or a high school English teacher, though I am leaning more towards teaching. So, if all goes well, next year should find me studying a BA, with Phycology, English and perhaps French among my subjects, probably still pursuing my workaholic ways but, I hope, in a more balanced way.